What the doctor ordered

I am supposed to be working on forgiving the little girl that I was for all of the things I unfairly blame myself for.

I am suppose to be silencing my mother's voice in my head.  No more listening to the tape of hateful things about myself. 

I really hope documenting this helps.  I want to look back one day and think "Wow, I cannot believe I used to be such a mess."

I asked my therapist today about why I want to write letters to my parent's former pastor and ream him for being a clueless idiot who further enabled my mother's abuse.  I want to ask her siblings how long she has been like this.  All of her life?  Do they know why?  What makes a narcissist anyways?  Did she treat them horribly too?

My therapist said to write the letters and then throw them away.  I won't find what I need by talking to people that stood by silently my entire life.  I am so furious at those that have played the part of "flying monkey" for my mother.  I cannot make logical sense of this level of crap.

I can only hope that documenting this is helpful to either me or someone else.